I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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