He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there's paper in my vomit.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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