I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
