I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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