Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
