woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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