remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
