She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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