Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
