If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
