Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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