Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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