AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
