what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
