The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
