there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
