So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
