Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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