Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
