wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
