so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
