I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
