I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
