he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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