Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
