the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
