My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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