plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize