I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
