Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
