thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
