Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
