Already got asked if we're dating
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
