'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
