weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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