My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
