Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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