it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
