I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
