Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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