Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
