I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
