in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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