i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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