just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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