well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
