Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
