Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
