im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
