you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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