My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize