just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were trust falling into bushes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
