I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
