so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
