I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
one might say we're banned from that church
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize