Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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