strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize