fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
my liver is dry heaving
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
