Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
