I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize