god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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