you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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