last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
