i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
