I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
