The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Green mimosas i think yes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You ruined the universe
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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