guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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