I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
